Nine And A Half Weeks…left
A frightening thing happened yesterday. It was inevitable, and I’ve always known that I was going to have to do it at some point on the trip. In some ways, it was routine, something that I’ve done twenty times already in the last year. But this time it was different, and it’s left me feeling a bit lost, a bit scared. It was almost like a bereavement.
It wasn’t just the cost of it. What I spent yesterday would have easily kept us fed and watered for nearly two months in Nepal. And it wasn’t just the frustrations of trying to organise stuff with a slow and unreliable internet connection; I’ve been dealing with that for eight months and it’s now an accepted fact of life.
I think it’s the finality of it.
It’s admitting to myself that this adventure has a finite lifespan.
It’s the realisation that the time is fast approaching where I’ll have to put all my self-important opinions of myself being employable to the test, and actually get a job that pays enough to cover the mortgage and clear the credit card bill. But I want more than just to be covering the necessities. I want to be able to take the kids to school. I want to be able to pick them up. I want to be a good person when I get home from work so that we can enjoy our time together. I want to be better than I was before.
I was scared when we booked our first flight almost exactly twelve months ago. But that was a different sort of scared. That was scared with a strong core of “kid in a sweet shop” excited. This is much more like actually being scared. I think that I’m ready to go home, I’m overly excited at the thought of having ready access to a sofa, a kettle and a fridge. But I’m not ready to be going home forever. I’m not ready to be putting the kid’s back into school.
Booking a flight home yesterday has been all sorts of emotional. Some happy things to look forward to, such as a comfy sofa and fishfinger sandwiches. Some new challenges, such as relearning how to put on a shirt and tie and having job interviews. And some really exciting things to think about, like planning our next adventure and exploring more of the world.
But before any of that stuff. We’ve got Borneo to get finished, Singapore to get sorted, and Australia to explore. BA012 is waiting for us, but it can wait for the next nine and a half weeks. There’s no need to rush to get aboard. We’ve still got lots of adventuring left to do as part of this adventure, so let’s bring it on!
Love fish fingers. Love travelling more.